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By Choice

I'm going to preface this statement with a yet. 

I'm not having children; yet.

However, I also want to make the point that at this moment in time, I don't think I'll ever want to have children. Not that I should have to but just for the few people out there who will hold me to my every single word and perhaps try to pull out a 'gotcha' moment in 5 years if I change my mind and try to conceive. I'm stating not yet but who knows; anything can happen and we should normalise changing our minds being a-ok.

I digress - But RIGHT NOW, children are not in our or my future plan. They're not in my peripheral vision and they're not something I've ever imagined needing to be a family. 

Here's why I currently feel that way and here's why some of you may feel the same as I do. 

Luckily my husband (Alex or Harrison as so many of you know him) feels the same way as me. We're both in a similar uninterested headspace when it comes to being parents ourselves. Trust me, we've had countless conversations about it over the years and they go a little something like this...


Me: "Do you still not want to have kids, babe?"
Him: "No, absolutely not."
And vice versa. 


Bold but true.
Some of us, are simply happy to be childfree. 


I'm also incredibly lucky that my friends who've chosen to be parents have never made me feel singled out for choosing this path. In fact, they've always encouraged me to live the life I feel is laid out for me and for us and to live a childfree life if I think that's the route that would make me happiest. In fact, on another note, I've been told a few times... "If I could do it again, I don't know if I would." 

Unfortunately, I know that for a lot of you reading this, you may not have had a similar experience with your closest circles and I want you to know that this will always be a safe space should you want to share. After I spoke about my childfree future in a YouTube video last year and touched on it here on the blog, I had an outpouring of support and so many messages of thanks for opening the conversation up. Thousands upon thousands of them appeared over those first few months actually (not an exaggeration) and to this day I still receive them weekly from people who've stumbled across my chats. So many of you spoke of family members adding pressure to get pregnant, or friends who would call you selfish for making the choice to not have kids. So many of you have been part of conversations where you've been told "Oh, I bet you'll change your mind in a few years." instead of being shown the respect you deserve for your personal choice. In factover the years as I've been told this so often too - I now brashly reply with "No, I don't think I will and I'm okay with that."

You're not alone.

I just want you to know that you're not alone. I promise. There's a percentage of people of those who have the ability to conceive or become a parent, who do not want to do so. Life in 2022 is not the same as it was in the 70's, 80's or 90's. More women have started their own businesses, they're socialising more, they're indulging in their alone time or their time with friends and time with their other half. Time to be independent.

As a child, I was certainly given the perception that I would grow up to be a mother myself. There wasn't any education or advice to the contrary - it was just a pathway through life. You grow up, you find a partner, you buy a car, a house, a dog and have 2.4 children and live happily ever after. But then came prolific divorce rates, the over-saturation of the population, the housing crisis, the economic crisis's of the world and also the Internet. The Internet brought with it enormous possibilities, especially for women, to be able to take their own career paths all of a sudden, to start a business or a hobby or to spend their time however the hell they wanted to. And it's led women to become increasingly independent and in turn unwilling to follow the traditional path if they don't feel it's the right one for them. At least, I'm speaking for myself here so perhaps I'm speaking for a few others too. 

There are many many reasons though, why I/we don't want to bring children into this world right now. And out of respect to those who have children, I don't think a lot of them need mentioning here as we all know what they are. But equally, a key truth is that I'm happy and fulfilled as a partner, dog mum, friend and business owner. I love being an Auntie so much in fact, that the happiness I get from seeing my Nephews and Nieces grow up, really does fulfill me. Equally, the way I feel about my dog, is the way I imagine a mother might feel about her children. Yes, I know it's incomparable for some but I'm personally so fulfilled by Boe. Plus you haven't seen the number of kisses my dog gets on the daily haha! I love my pup so strongly that my heart honestly hurts sometimes and that's so enough for me. I feel so fulfilled as a woman who enjoys working full time hours and the rest on top; building new businesses, investing in others and growing as they grow. I'm loving this moment of my adventure right now, sat in my lounge with the sunshine outside, the breeze wafting through my enormous hydrangeas, baby dog fast asleep to my left, an iced coffee to my right and a list of people to facetime for the rest of the day for a catch up. I'm content and fulfilled and selfish with my time and grateful with the life we've created. And if you feel the same, then go on and live your adventure. Also please don't think I'm trying to sound smug here for anyone with children reading this. I guess it's my offer of clarity and sharing my personal choice and respecting everyone's choices - I'm happy and I so hope you are too.

For me - I'm childfree, I'm in my 30's and I've got no plans to change anytime soon. 

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