Why I'm Changing
I'm exhausted. Even sitting down to write this post, which is my own form of therapy, is part of my never ending cycle of tiredness. Am I the only one that does this to themselves? Every 2 or 3 months the same cycle starts up again and I really wanted to get this down into words because I'd love some advice on how to break it.
I get so caught up in my work, that I cram all my days full of exciting meetings, filming videos, shooting imagery, writing posts, must attend events and so much more - then after a few weeks I realise I am not invincible after all. I'll get irritable, tired, I'll start to eat badly, my skin will break out and then comes the guilt that I'm not giving 100% because I don't feel 100%. Deja vu Victoria.
I've found especially after fashion month I really struggle to catch up on a months worth of my 'normal' work load and it's made me rethink what I consider to be my weekly routine. Change is never easy but I think it's time to embrace it.
I AM NOT WONDER WOMAN*
*and that is totally okay!
I feel the time has come to have a mantra written on the lock screen of my phone, so I see it just before I unlock it to read that newest email at 10 in the evening. Perhaps it could read - 'there is only one of me' or 'this can wait till tomorrow'. It's not that I don't believe in myself and it certainly isn't because I'm not capable of doing all these things but there was a moment recently where I took a step back and thought 'But at what cost?'. I am doing a job I adore, battling against the tide of things I would love to do in comparison to the amount of hours in a day and it means I'm constantly exhausted. I shouldn't be - I'm 29 not 99!
Please don't think I want sympathy. I am more than aware I'm the one pushing myself and making these decisions but I just want to feel like I'm not the only one who struggles with this balance. I'm always craving the work/life balance, wanting to take more time for myself, needing to put my mental health higher on the never ending list but why is it so difficult to actually achieve those personal goals when I feel I'm ticking off my career goals? Perhaps the change in routine will be the thing that finally helps.
THE NEW WORKING RULES
NO WORK AFTER 8PM - This one is huge for me. It's messing with my sleep pattern, my personal life is suffering and most of all, I deserve some down time. I can't carry on being glued to my laptop from dawn till dusk and then be surprised when I do get run down. My daily routine needs to start reflecting a more achievable timetable.
ACTUAL DAYS OFF - My assistant and I spoke the other day about scheduling some time off in my calendar so that non work days are set in stone, just like any work events would be. An entire day blacked out where Alex and I can spend the day together, I can facetime friends and apart from the most dire of time critical situations (which let's face it are few and far between), work is off the table. My weekly routine needs these moments of calm.
DON'T OVER BOOK MYSELF - I am guilty of doing too much sometimes. Just as being self employed suggests, you rely on yourself far too much and when work also comes in waves, it's hard to stick to that much longed for routine. Being someone who also loves to have help but then doesn't always accept it easily, I feel my FOMO creeping in and my calendar starts to overflow. My monthly routine needs strict priorities.
I VICTORIA, PROMISE I WILL TRY...
I know the only person who makes these choices is myself, I know the only person who can make these changes is myself and I know the only person who can stick to this routine is myself. Any words of encouragement or experience below would be much appreciated! Why is it always your own advice that's the hardest to take? So often I write here about the need for a work/life balance and to tone down the workaholic in me, but now really does seem to be the turning point for me. So if any of my friends see me working after 8pm, that's assuming you read here, please take my phone out of my hand and tell me to go put Netflix on. You'll be doing me the biggest favour and I can finally start to work (not the ideal term) on a routine that benefits every part of my life.