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With a PHD in fashion, a hair ambassadorship with L’Oréal Paris and a global audience, Victoria is the lady behind the award-winning fashion, travel and beauty blog, Inthefrow.

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How To Get Over Being
Cheated On

Far too many of us have been in this awful position and I for one have unfortunately been there multiple times, with different partners. That horrific moment it dawns on you, from one of many possible ways, that your other half has cheated on you. They have been with another person, behind your back and you suddenly feel like your entire world is crashing down around the both of you. What are you meant to do?

There are barely any words to describe the heartache of wading through your sadness and anger, all the while trying to properly decide what your next tentative step should be. There's definitely no rule book and no one ever expects it to happen to them, so what now? How do you get over being cheated on and how do you decide where to go next?

Here's how I got over being cheated on and how over time, it's made me a stronger, more confident person.

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BE SELFISH

Take some time for yourself - it's okay to be selfish. You need time and space when your heart is broken, to be able to make the next decision and to attempt to start putting those broken pieces back together. Do what's right for you above all else. Whether that might be spending some time alone to cry, being surrounded by friends and family or even to watch sappy romantic comedies on your sofa and eat your body weight in Ben & Jerrys. No judgement here, I've definitely done all of the above and more. In my eyes it's truly whatever works for you in the aftermath of being cheated on. You can't make any decisions about something as important as a broken relationship when your mind is clouded by another's opinions. Those first few days after such a shock will be awful, no matter how you look at it, but so long as you take the time you so sorely need, you'll come back to the conversation with a clear mind and a heart that's already started to heal. One thing that I did... use a mattress as a punching bag - it helps! Also, I remember one time it happened to me, my Mum took me to the cinema to watch Happy Feet, and I didn't cry again after that. The happy vibes definitely help rather than wallowing consistently.

IT'S NOT YOU

In hindsight this doesn't ever happen soon enough, but the realisation that what happened is not at all your fault, is a huge stepping stone in healing your broken heart. No matter how confident we think we are, the betrayal that comes with being cheated on, is akin to no other feeling. When the initial anger and shock has died down I think we all wonder if there's anyway we could have prevented it. Was it how you look, the way you are in bed, the way you spoke to him? The truth is there really isn't anything you could have done. If Beyonce can be cheated on - and every other woman I know practically, then so can you. So don't take it personally. There may have been a few things in your relationship that needed fixing, but moving onto someone else before ending it with you first, is a sign of a much lesser person. And even if your relationship in hindsight wasn't the greatest, it never means there's blame to place on anyone but the cheater. Realising that it's not your fault is another step in getting over being cheated on and another hurdle passed. 

BE STRONG

Easier said than done in every respect, but once the red mist has cleared and you've taken that time for yourself, you'll find yourself needing to be strong and self-respecting. I can hand on heart say one of the best decisions I eventually made, was leaving a partner who cheated on me consistently. I convinced myself it wouldn't happen again, I assumed I could be the one to fix it and I was so sure that part of the blame lied with me. When in reality, none of those things were vaguely true. The second I wised up and found the strength to break up with him, was the second my self respect soared and I became an entirely new version of myself. I have never again let anyone walk all over me, I've known immediately when it isn't my fault and it's made me a stronger person in every aspect of my life. Find your strength and roll with it, you won't ever regret standing up for yourself and realising you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I went back so many times to cheaters - and trust me, it does not work out. Once a cheater, always a cheater is something I believe to be true. If they can treat you that way once, and they get away with it, the chances are they may do it again. Every situation is different, but I just wanted you to know, that you deserve better and although it hurts now, you will look back on that old relationship and pity that other person who ever took you for granted.

BE REALISTIC

Don't be too hard on yourself and if you sometimes take three steps backwards before you can take one step forward, that's just life. I found there were so many stages after being cheated on that I was simply unprepared for and if someones had told me that every single of them was normal I probably would've dealt with them properly. I felt so much embarrassment and humilation about what had happened, I felt an incredible amount of anger towards my ex, I felt gut wrenching sadness about the betrayal and I even felt like I was grieving for the relationship. Even now there's a part of me that feels a tinge of sadness that I had to go through it all so many times over, but as with anything in life, good and bad, I try to learn from it. I am so much more patient with myself than I ever used to be and that's because I eventually saw that I deserved love and kindness despite someone else's actions. Be realistic with yourself. Every journey is different and whatever you find yourself needing, gift it in abundance. 

If you're going through something right now, then I truly hope this helped to see how someone else dealt with the situation. I am now a woman who will stand for no BS. Regardless of how much I love a person, if they treat me like a second best, they're not having a part of my life. Stick up for yourself, show yourself some self-love and believe me, there are 7 billion people+ in this world. It may not seem like it now, but there is someone out there for everyone. And that person will definitely not treat you like a second best.

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