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8 Ways To Get Over A

Following on from last week's post where I spoke about the ways in which I got over being cheated on, (the feedback was just incredible so thank you!) I found myself with so much to say, that I wanted to create a second post all about getting over break-ups in general. Every relationship is unique and every journey to fixing a broken heart is completely unlike another's, but there are some ways in which I think you can help yourself along just a little. 

I do always feel that there are so many reasons and ways in which a relationship can end, that no matter what the circumstances, there will always be heartbreak on both sides of the partnership; even if one person's emotions outweighs the other. Whether there's guilt, grief, sadness or simply relief from the sensibility of a mutual break up, there is bound to be the need to look after yourself and move forward at a pace that is right for you. 

Here are my 8 ways to get over a break up from any perspective. 

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One. Delete.

It's 2018 and no matter what the reason for a breakup, it's harder than ever to get away from your ex nowadays once you're no longer partners in crime. My suggestion? Unfriend and delete! It may seem harsh at the time, but the temptation to insta stalk your ex, when it's really the last thing your heart needs right now, can be overwhelming. Do both your head and your heart a favour and delete them from your social media, your phone and therefore your 2am Ben & Jerry's induced prying eyes. Yes you will second guess yourself at first, but you'll thank yourself later on down the line - I promise. Not accidentally coming across pictures of them that you will spend your evening over analysing and coming to a quite possibly entirely incorrect conclusion, is in no-one's best interests right now; or ever. 

Two. Time.

Give yourself some time. If you're the one who's been broken up with, or even if you're part of a mutual separation, look after yourself and allow yourself the time you need to process the situation. I often remember feeling like I was having an out of body experience during a breakup and sometimes you just need a little time to really understand the implications of what just happened. Some time for yourself, in which ever way you prefer, will mean that you can formulate a plan for the short term. Are there any logistics such as moving out that should become a priority? Have you left anything unsaid that you feel needs to be spoken about? And most importantly you can gain some composure before taking the next step in the process - acting in the heat of the moment is never a great idea. 

Three. Get Outside.

After a breakup you always need some time alone and I'm a huge advocate of having a good cry, watching a sad movie and having a much needed wallow if you feel you need it, but eventually it's time to leave the house. When you've exhausted the 'woe is me' stage, get your glad rags on, pamper yourself to distraction and surround yourself with the people you love and make you smile. Even if the topic of conversation is the breakup itself still, you'll have different people to bounce your feelings off and it will turn into a much needed distraction. Go to the gym, have a night out, go for dinner with work colleagues - whatever makes your life a better place to be right now is the key to the next step, whenever that may be!

Four. Be realistic.

Being realistic is a huge hurdle and one that is very much needed. Even in the most mutual, calm and adult of separations, going with the 'let's stay friends' option, in the interest of honesty, is just a terrible idea. You've spent a huge majority of your time with this person over 'x' number of years. You've holidayed together, you've had numerous firsts, you've been sexually attracted to them and you've been just a phone call away 24 hours a day - can you really be friends with an ex without compromising your own much needed journey? Perhaps far in the distant future you can be an acquaintance to each other, but be honest with yourself and don't waste time you could be spending with great friends and family, with an ex partner.

Five. Take control. 

Taking control of any situation is always something that helps me to cope with my feelings, I hate to stand back and just let things happen. Personally I need to plan things to look forward to, I need to get on with my life and I need to continue with great distractions such as throwing myself into my work. This might not be the best step for everyone, but wallowing has to be done on a limited basis for me. Taking control of my life, after possibly relying on someone else too much previously, not only boosts my confidence no end but it gives me practical ways to step into the 'I'm gonna be okay' stage of the breakup. Learning to be okay on your own is a must to prove to yourself and to your loved ones that yes you might still be mourning your past relationship, but you're stronger than you ever thought you could be. 

Six. Beware the rebound.

Beware people coming into your life after a breakup, it's inevitable and we're sometimes not at our strongest to realise why they've appeared, good intentions or not. I'm sure most of us have had a rebound relationship, in one way or another, but rebounding too soon can do more damage than good so soon after a breakup. Sometime a little further down the timeline, getting out there and going on a date can be a breath of fresh air and also a sign that you're ready to move on. But be warned - too soon and you might be taking one step forward and three steps back. This isn't only for your sake either, it's for anyone else coming into your life too. You don't want to hurt someone by not being ready to take that next step or ruin what could be the start of something amazing if you just give it a little more time.

Seven. Talk.

Everyone's journey and timeline is unique, so you may start to feel stronger two weeks after a breakup and you may start to only feel okay two months after, we're all different and so are our relationships. Please don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. If however you find yourself struggling to get by weeks after the breakup, sit down and delve into why - properly and honestly. Are you sad or are you truly struggling and finding it hard to cope being on your own? If it's the latter then ask for help, there's no shame in needing a boost to work through your feelings and come out the other side a happier, stronger person. It doesn't have to be a professional that you confide in, sometimes just letting your parent or best friend know you're still hurting can be a huge relief and help you to get back on track to getting over the breakup.

Eight. Don't Compare.

And not to possibly counteract everything I've just said, but the most important thing is my favourite quote of all; you do you. There is no timescale for getting over a breakup, nor is there a timescale for starting to date after a breakup or even to stop thinking 'what if?'. We are all human and we are allowed to react to a breakup however we need to and however we must do, so long as we don't hurt anyone else. You can use someone else's experience as a gauge or even as inspiration if you want to, but don't compare your breakup to the extent you feel as though you aren't doing what you 'should' be doing at any given point. You'll notice I mention time a lot in this post, that's because the other side of this breakup and heartbreak is in the distance I promise you. Like everything in life, it will get easier, just be kind to yourself, to others and take the time you need.

To anyone who is newly single, something new and exciting is around the corner. Just keep believing in yourself and a future that was meant to be. And for anyone that's just gotten over a break up, please do share your own tips too, of how you dealt with it and how you got to where you are now. Let's help each other out. 

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