Welcome to Limbo Land
Take buying a house for instance; probably the most questionable part of my life plan so far. I travel very frequently, 26 times this year and 24 times last year in fact. That’s at least 2 trips a month. I’ve therefore visited Heathrow more times than I have my own family home in 2017 and here lies my predicament. When deciding where on earth to buy a house in this big beautiful country we have, do I go Northwards? Then I’m just outside of London, easy to reach from Wigan for when the kids hopefully arrive in a few years? (Hey Mum the future babysitter!) But that leaves me far from Heathrow for quick trips away and also far from quick meetings in the city. Do I go south? Then I’m close to Heathrow, but making any family trips extremely difficult from the North and again having to spend a long time getting into the city. Do I continue renting in London? I’m literally throwing my money away on someone else’s mortgage, but living in one of the loveliest places in this incredible city and also having a tiny cab journey to and from important meetings. Do I try to buy in London? Is that even worth doing when costs are ridiculously high and it would never really be my dream home unless I won the Euromillions? Or, do I throw it all in and move back to my Manchester haven? I could buy a dream-house twice the size but I’d be braving the awful weather (come on Manchester peeps, I’m not being mean here, you know it’s awful, I lived in Rain City for 10 years). How does one even make this choice? I’m utterly confused and in honesty, top of my list right now is to just stay put.
“If I stay put, I’m not saving what I could be for my own future house. And I can’t bring a much desired puppy into my non-puppy life. But then I travel so much I can’t really get a dog anyway right now; but what if I do stop travelling quite so much? Or maybe I could stop travelling so much for the chance to have a puppy? But then travelling is so wonderful for my work; but it does hinder me buying somewhere further North..” .. this is my inner monologue by the way, if you hadn’t guessed. And you know what? It’s actually a great place to be. Happy in a fulfilling relationship, living in London, loving my job, travelling the world and thinking about the future. My god do I feel extremely lucky. But as a person, and a woman who has grown up with ideals for her life, (or what she thought might happen) part of me loves this idea of having a home and a husband and a baby and a dog. But you can’t always have everything in life. And that is my issue – having to decide what I want to do with my life, right now, and also in the next few years. It’s just the complexities and uncertainties of this new career that leaves me wondering about ‘what if’?
So to bring this back to something I can even understand myself and to somewhat round up what feels like a huge ramble, I feel like I’m in limbo. I’m 28 but I can’t settle down right now. I’m like the millions of others trying to save for a deposit, for a house in goodness knows what county or side of the country, working in a career where I have no idea about my future. For me, until I’m able to choose what I want to do and settle somewhere, invest my money in a house that I can call my own, I just feel like I’m waiting. Waiting for the next thing to happen, that could be THE thing. But what will that be and how will I know? I’m just waiting, renting, and hoping for my life to continue on the path I dream of. I wish I had it all figured out, but like so many others I’m far from having it all figured out.
I’m happy and I’m in love and I know that’s all that really matters. But that feeling of stability is something I absolutely crave and always have. I guess I’ll just have to keep my head down, work hard, aim high and figure it out along the way; all whilst making Limbo-Land my new home.
I’d love to know if any of you are in the same predicament. At a stage in life where you are a bit confused as to what to do next? Friends are buying houses and getting married and you’re a little unsure as to where you want your life to lead? Or maybe you too have a job with stability you’re unsure of and you feel like you too are living in Limbo Land?
I’d like to think I’m not the only person worrying about every step I take!