How to Grow in Self Confidence

NYC, NY

Tips to grow your self-esteem

I may not be the most confident gal in the world. Probably far from it. But I would class myself as someone who is sure of who I want to be, and the person I have become. And that is something I do not feel that I need to apologise for. I guess that in itself is a confidence grower.

I am very lucky in that I do not suffer from social anxiety or panic attacks. I am very much a get up and go person, and always have been, to a certain extent. But I haven’t always been so confident and content in my self. In my younger years, I was bullied at high school, outcasted due to my taste in music and never felt as though I ‘fit’ in. The fact that I hadn’t kissed someone, until the later years of high school, meant that for the girls in my class, I was an easy target. In honesty, those high school years were pretty tough. Being made the centre of attention, whilst someone points or laughs or sniggers, is extremely difficult to brush off. And it took a lot of time before my confidence was back to what it was. I still go red when I feel a room of eyes on me.

But I have made a lot of progress with my self confidence, and I wanted to share my key tips to feeling as though you can take on the world!

Photography by Em Sheldon

aquascutumn trench, chloe faye in nyc
aquascutumn trench, chloe faye in nyc
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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
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The moment that I realised, that the negative opinions of others had absolutely no bearing on my life, was the moment that I grew in confidence ten fold. Everyone has their own opinions, goals, interests, hobbies, emotions and ways that they prefer to act. And the opinions of others do not impact on your life. As soon as you realise this, you will find it so much easier to just be yourself, entirely.

Being called names to your face, is not easy to brush off. But let people think what they want to think. Let them laugh, point and whisper, as long as you realise it is only because they care. They care enough to spit their jealousy and hatred, in order to feel more self worth. But those feelings do not change who you are and will not change who they are. Their opinion doesn’t brand you or change your character. It says far more about them, than it does about you.

And this ability to push away the fears and the doubts, and to lack the care it needs for their perceptions to bother you, will benefit your self confidence more than you may realise. As soon as I stopped caring what one person had to say about me and my life, I grew taller, stronger and into a more confident person, day after day.

As a fashion blogger, I have to take photographs of myself, out in public for everyone to see. And you would not believe how many people stop and watch you like a stage show. They watch in couples, groups or as individuals, as the photographer clicks away at your every pose. And I know so many people who would die of shame at being watched, enjoying themselves out in public. Yet I have become so immune to what other people may be thinking or saying. I have a job to do, my blog photos, and I will get them done whether they like it or not. Their opinions are not going to impact upon me personally. These people will go along with their lives and probably not even think on this moment again. So why should I trouble myself with what they think? Throw on a smile and be present in your moment. Not theirs.

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I have found that people really like to stare. I don’t do myself any favours by opting for the brightest hair colours on the colour wheel, but sometimes the way that people stare, could make even the strongest woman extremely self conscious. But I have found myself immune to the rude glances. Again, why should I let it bother me, what they may be thinking and what their shallow perception of me may be? Alex sees everything around us, whilst I prefer to continue looking ahead and allowing any negativity or glances to go unseen. The more you learn to ignore it, the more the negativity can bounce off of you. And your self confidence can shine through.

Walking down the street, shopping alone, sitting by yourself for a coffee in Starbucks or travelling from here to there on public transport, are just a few situations where you will find yourself feeling more comfortable and at ease.

On the flip side, I too want to allow people to be who they want to be and act the way they want to act. I love to watch people succeed, be an individual and the person they want to be. What good would it do me, to feel jealousy and negativity towards someone, only because they were happy and successful themselves?! I class myself as a happy person, and because I am happy with my own life, I do not need to feel negativity or jealousy towards others in order to feel positive about myself. In allowing others to express themselves the way they want to, I feel as though they too do not need to judge me. And that is the positive mind set I try to maintain. I will dress the way I like, walk the way I like and dye my hair any colour that I like, and anyone else’s opinion will not change who I am.

aquascutumn trench, chloe faye in nyc
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Removing the negativity and living with a positive mind, will enable you to lift so much weight off of your shoulders and help you to stand up taller. Be the person you want to be; not the person they think you should be.