Covent Garden, London
Dealing with Hate Comments
The digital world is such an exciting place. So many new faces creating amazing content and exciting material to share with others. And generally for the wholehearted reason that they love to. Writers, journalists, youtubers, photographers, instagrammers, creatives. People that love to create and gather the opinions of others, on their work effort. And I guess I fall into that category also.
I studied up until the age of 24, working harder and harder to get to a point where I felt adequate enough to have my own voice. And now that I have found my voice, the more I am faced with harsh negativity at every turn. In comparison to some, the negativity and hate I receive is minimal. In fact, I only see hate comments every few days or every week or so. Compared to others who have feeds filled with jealousy, spite, hate and pure evil.
But its still something I have to deal with, and have found ways of dealing with.
Photographs taken on the Canon 70D at the St Martins Lane Hotel
The 'Power' of Anonymity
- The fact is, we are all human. We all have opinions and feelings towards others. I know when I’m walking down Oxford Street and someone stops dead in front of me when I’m at pace, honestly, my mind is filled with things I could say to them. Because we all have emotions and ways that we deal with them. But never in a million years would I, or the majority of the population, ever think to write a negative comment about someone. It’s just not done. If you don’t have anything nice to say, just don’t say anything at all. It’s an old school line, but frankly, the ordinary and genuine people of this world just live by this phrase as standard.
- The main space for hate is Youtube, although I feel Instagram is getting worse and worse these days. Commenters can find anonymity and hide behind their profiles whilst spouting hatred from inside their bedroom. They vent their own insecurities and upset at others in order to feel as though they have brought others down to their level. And it’s just such a shame that younger people feel that they need to be negative in order to find some sort of kick. But it isn’t just teenagers who spend their time online, feeding hatred through various feeds. I have seen comments from so many adults on mine and others feeds, with the most distasteful language I’ve ever seen.
You're such a Slut
There are alternative forms of hate and negativity. Sometimes it is just insults. Bitch. Slut. Ugly. Fat. So many times I have been told I have fat legs. Other times men write disgusting misogynistic drivel, along the lines of stating what they would do to me, if they met me, and their words and their manner are both equally revolting. Another young lady wrote that she was going to kill all of my family, and then later asked why she had been blocked, stating she was ‘joking.’
Others go into a little more detail, often with a jealous undertone. “You’re such a show off”. “You have more money than sense”. One person once wrote, “If only that £100 face cream could fix your crooked face.” I laughed out loud at that one. People sometimes only see what is in front of them, and what they want to see. Me displaying my new handbag. They’re not looking at the hard work it took for me to save for said handbag and the fact that I also buy said handbag in order to create more beautiful content for my blog and my channels, because I am in fact, a fashion blogger.
Then there are the people who try to wrap their hatred up with some sort of non offensive sandwich. We’ve all heard this one… ‘No offense but’. “You looked way better with your other hair colour”. “You wear too much makeup”. “That lip colour looks so ugly on you”. “You should be ashamed at the way you promote insecurities.” Honestly, yes I am human, and now and again I may look at a photo of someone and think, today she has a little bit too much make up on perhaps, but never ever would I dream of writing it down for the world to see and for them to read and become upset by. There is no reason to hurt someone’s feelings. What does the hater achieve from spreading their hate?!
You're a Homewrecker
- I remember one time when a guy stalked all of my feeds just to tell me that he thought it was disgusting that I was teaching young girls how to put on makeup and that I alone was to blame for young girls feeling insecure about their skin and face. It was as if he had gone to sleep in 2005, woke up in 2015 and immediately switched on my makeup tutorial. Very odd indeed. I was sat at my computer baffled, like ‘Where have you been buddy. Makeup tutorials are a thing now?!’
Then there is religious hate, and I’m not even going to get into that. But I just don’t stand for people preaching any religious views on my feeds, when it is for the purpose of upsetting others.
There are also those of the younger generation who have not come to terms with the idea of being friends with men. Last week when Alfie posted a picture of us both together at a party on his Instagram, the comments went crazy, and equally splashed over onto my Instagram, with comments relating to us cheating, not being allowed to be near to each other and other ridiculous nonsense. And I was happily laughing it off until one or two people decided to make it personal and started to write personal hatred comments towards me. I shouldn’t need to have time for people picking me apart because they feel they have the right to.
- Luckily however, over a few years of dealing with insults, nasty remarks and hateful words in my comments, I have learned to deal with it in a number of ways, and I guess they may be helpful for others in a similar situation to me.
I am happy to block anyone from my feeds who feels they have the right to spread hatred, incite hatred or insult me. It’s my feed, that I spend a lot of my time on, and I have no time for hatred.
Insults relating to personal parts of me. Either my skin, my legs, my boobs, my hair. I am dealing with those personal parts of me myself. I already know of issues, or the lack of an issue and therefore I can brush it off. Being told that I’m obese by someone just makes me laugh. Yet if it’s really personal and strikes a nerve, I try to turn it into a positive and make it spur me to make a change if needs be. Nothing beats being told you have fat legs for pushing you to go to the gym the next day and to put the cookie down.
And after having a number of comments really annoy me, and in the moment I’ve commented back with a hasty defensive remark, I know now that it’s just not the right thing to do. These sorts of people do not need to be acknowledged or given any of my time. And therefore I have learned to delete, block and move on from it. Not giving it another moment of my time.
And I think the more that we try to ignore those that feel they have the right to spread their hatred through various channels, the more we can all become completely immune and bulletproof to the negativity. I do not know these people, and they do not know me. They have seen a tiny glimpse of my life via an image and feel they are equipped to judge, and quite frankly they need to spend more time thinking about themselves. And as soon as their negativity is deleted and blocked from my feeds, they cannot return with any more of their words. And the world will not stop turning. Brush it off and move on because they are not a part of the life you have chosen to build.
For anyone reading, who is dealing with online hatred or bullying, please feel free to comment below and lets discuss ways to deal with how you’re feeling. Too many young people are feeling alone, bullied and depressed due to the words of other people online, and it’s gone too far. I’d love to form a discussion as to how we all can deal with hatred and help others who are struggling.